Walking down the streets of your hometown is a surreal experience. I don't know if that's true for everyone, but this weekend was like some sort of fever dream for me. How is it that a road can send you back in time and make you feel every bit your 16 year old self? How is it that that same road can send you barreling into the future?
I haven't written lately. It hasn't been for a lack of trying or desire. I've been simultaneously busy and bored out of my fucking mind. But let's forget all that. Let's move on and into something wonderful together. My spring was a tsunami of sorrow. My summer was restorative and transformative (is that even a word?). My autumn is going to be the part of my life where I turn into a bomb ass bitch. Gone is the Summer of Yes. Welcome, Autumn of Anything Goes.
I start off with my head near a toilet and wishing that I would learn not to take vitamins, no matter how badly I need them. I’ll be equally real about this: Today was not a great day. It was not a, “I am woman, hear me roar,” sort of day either. It was the sort of day where you reflect on your life and wonder how the hell it got to this state. And then you drink a bottle of wine, which is totally appropriate.
It's been several weeks since I last blogged. I'm not sure if that's because Canton is low-key, or if I'm just boring. Probably the latter. Something that I have done with great vigor lately is figuring out how to be a better person. Well, I guess to be more precise: I've been trying to figure out how to stop being such a shit bird.
I've been working hard on the same story for months. Years, really. I know I've mentioned that before, but sometimes it's hard for me to get my head wrapped around. My thesis has consumed every bit of me and there doesn't seem like an end in sight. The goal has been to write out fifty pages every week, which is an ambitious goal. Sure, I write quickly, but that much output is exhausting.
I've been thinking about the future a lot. Well, that's not really surprising. I think about the future all the time, I always have. When I was a kid I would write everything down in these little notebooks that I called "Future Books."